“Lockdown Wala Love” is an idea represented by Mental Health Professional and Guest Blogger Ms. Khushali Adhiya. The article is a well-thought collaboration with her Social Media and Youtube Handle- Roobaroo Talks.
Lockdown Wala Love- Creating a Healthier “Love Environment”
By: Khushali Adhiya
Love is regarded as the deepest and most meaningful emotion. It holds a significant place in our lives and largely determines how we think, feel, and behave, towards oneself and others around us. Functioning from a state of love has allowed humans to build constructive thoughts, which generally leads us to feel good and benevolent. This propels us to behave in kinder, accepting, and altruistic ways to the self and the other. On the other hand, when we function from a state of absence of love, our thoughts, feelings, and behaviour do not always guarantee flourishing outcomes. Often, they damage us!
Observe when I say, “functioning from a state of love.” Visualize this functioning as if you are wearing a specific attire/clothing. For example, when a police officer wears a uniform, they function from a state of protection. Humans can similarly function from a state of love. Now, you would also notice how some police officials function from the state of protection, with or without their uniform. Similarly, humans also have the capacity to function from a state of love at all times. When we function from a place of love consistently, across all situations, with all people, it becomes our trait, gifting us long-term benefits.
The intention to introduce and encourage you into this choice to function from a state of love at all times and make it your pattern/trait is specifically to address the challenges of love during difficult times, such as the one we globally experience now – the lockdown! Of course, we take into consideration love as an emotion, in its various forms, and in its distinct manifestations.
Lockdown Wala Love with your Romantic Partner
It must have become clear to many love birds in romantic relationships living with each other, that the distance they faced when they were away for work only made their love sparkle more. To physically be with your partner all day and night, for so many days can be frustrating and smothering for some. Allocation of home tasks and inviting the assistance of each other on willing and loving terms is yet another challenge for relationships during quarantine.
How to deal with your Romantic Partner during the lockdown?
I believe this period could be resourcefully invested in the growth of a couple. They can choose to consciously explore the different colours of love. Set aside time to love your beloved and to love yourself every day. This extra time could be used as a practice ground for trying out different loving behaviours, which you always struggled to do before. For instance, practice ‘U, Me Aur Hum’: mindfully exercise to allot equal space for all the three elements in your relationship (and watch the film too, with ‘Notebook’ and ‘P.S. I love you’ in the watchlist). It may take a few trials.
Furthermore, should there be a conflict, it would be helpful to pause, reflect, and then respond. Recognize that angry people are full of fear, and thereby, you could also choose to peacefully agree to disagree. It’s quarantine, not a competition to be right! Recall one beautiful aspect of your partner every day and tell them in the morning! You could also explore the other colours of love with your partner: observe, clarify, understand, and practice your partner’s specific love language(s). This could be an interesting daily activity, engaging a few hours (watch my YouTube Video to learn more).
Should you pay attention to details?
John Gottman’s studies report that paying attention to the little details mark the sustainability of love and relationships. You could take this time to observe the details of your loved ones, their little acts of kindness, and acknowledge them. In fact, you can tease them, cuddle them, hug them, and comfort them too; love has been neurobiologically reported to have stress-reducing and health-promoting potential.
In the running lives, we may have lacked investment in the key ingredient to our commitment: persistent and consistent showcasing of our feelings for the other. Your attachment can transcend to become a connection! And this is the period you can choose to water and nurture your plant of love!
Lockdown Wala Love with Self Love
Even if you are living with your romantic partner, this section of the article can be helpful. You will understand how you spend time in self-love (and no, that is not the same as narcissism). While some single individuals are struggling without such love, other single-yet-complete ones are re-investing in a romantic relationship with themselves! Dating oneself during such times is a useful investment!
We see into others what we see into ourselves. So, it’s productive to think, feel, and behave in loving manners towards our self. For example, not playing the victim, eating healthy, setting gentle boundaries, not-judging or being hard on the self to be perfect all the time, rubbing salt on our previous errors in love, etc. This, when becomes a pattern, allows us to easily operate in loving ways with others. And just as it takes time to love the other, use this excess time to love yourself.
Of course, the dating sites have seen a sky-rocketing number of clients with loneliness taking over. Note here that being alone is not the same as feeling lonely. While it certainly is a productive time to find love, you may want to watch your emotions, reflect, and observe how they could do justice to your relationship after the lockdown. You would be available all day right now!
Why is Self Love Important during the Lockdown?
When our old-normal life kicks back in, we may lose the purpose of seeking love during these times. Setting boundaries, without building walls, and being clear in your communications may cushion both parties’ emotions. Note that communication and words are not the same things. Approach your relationships with people from that standpoint of what you can give them, rather than what you can get from them.
Let’s remember, that the most beautiful things in life are not things. So, chose to love people and use things (e.g. mobiles), instead of using people and loving things! Love, as a decision, rather than a feeling, gives us wings. And you can decide to function from a state of love consistently – first with yourself and then with others. The essence of all healing is love.
To learn more about the theories of love explained by psychologists and gain more understanding of practicing love, watch my lecture on YouTube titled ‘Theories of Love’.